Dating app girlfriend was using me for sex and does not want a future

Dating app girlfriend was using me for sex and does not want a future

DEAR DEIDRE: I THOUGHT I was in a relationship that had a future, but it turns out that my girlfriend has been using me for sex.

It’s not something you would imagine a guy complaining about, but I feel hurt and am desperate to understand why she didn’t want more.

We met on a dating app nine months ago. She’s 27 and I’m 34.

After chatting and swapping pictures for a couple of weeks, we agreed to meet up in a bar for a drink, and then to have a meal together.

We never made it to the restaurant. Two drinks in, she suggested coming back to my place, and obviously I agreed.

At the time, I couldn’t believe my luck. She was gorgeous with a really fit body, and she couldn’t get enough of me. We had sex five times that first night. And after that, we met up as often as we could for romps. In the second lockdown, we became each other’s bubble. I began to fall for her.

I thought she felt the same. 

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Looking back, I guess I should have noticed the signs. We didn’t talk much about anything serious, and whenever I mentioned future plans, she would be vague or just change the subject.

But I was blinded by lust. Our chemistry was off the scale and I loved her sexual confidence and adventurousness. 

Since lockdown ended, I haven’t seen much of her. She makes excuses not to meet and barely texts.

When I suggested a proper date and asked if she might like to move in, she laughed.

She said she thought I knew she only wanted a casual relationship.

The truth is, I was just her lockdown sex buddy. I want a proper girlfriend and it’s horrible thinking she only ever wanted me for sex. My confidence has taken a knock. 

How do I get over this?

DEIDRE SAYS: Falling into bed with someone too quickly can stop you getting to know each other properly. When this happens, it’s likely that the relationship will fizzle out once initial desire dies down.

It sounds like you two had a communication problem. 

She thought you knew she only wanted sex, and assumed you wanted the same, while you believed you were at the start of a love affair.

Talking to her about this might not change her mind, but it will help you get your feelings off your chest, so you can move on.

My support pack, Love or Lust, will help you to understand more about this.

If you want a serious relationship, perhaps you need to be clear about your needs from the start. 

My support pack, Finding the Love of Your Life explains more.

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