Man City 5 Arsenal 0: Sorry Gunners go BOTTOM of the Premier League after hitting desperate new low in Etihad mauling

Man City 5 Arsenal 0: Sorry Gunners go BOTTOM of the Premier League after hitting desperate new low in Etihad mauling

SECONDS after Man City unveiled their Vincent Kompany statue, the Etihad was abuzz with rumours Arsenal had made a £5 million bid.

Apparently Mikel Arteta wanted to add some mobility to his backline. Sadly, though, the statue turned him down.



Still, at least the Gunners boss had others to turn to. Like the 11 others in red shirts on the pitch – until Granit Xhaka got a straight red before we'd even reached half-time, anyway.

At least his Arsenal team are proving consistency isn’t a problem in some areas. Like whenever they face Pep Guardiola’s men, for example.

Another hiding made it nine Prem canings on the bounce against City, more than against any other top flight opponent.

No wonder Pep Guardiola must have smiled an ironic smile at the end of a nightmare few days for all at the Etihad.

Harry Kane staying at Spurs, Cristiano Ronaldo opting for Old Trafford instead of here, and no chance of adding a goalscoring striker to the all-star cast before the window shuts.

After a week when it's all going wrong, some people will seek comfort in ice cream or chocolate. Others may opt for a few stiff drinks.

But for City there is one sure-fire way to raise the spirits and put a spring back in everyone’s step… bring on Arsenal.

For the Gunners are their comfort blanket. The one they can turn to when they need a pick-me-up. Something to make them realise life ain’t so bad after all.

So it proved once again, as they took out their frustrations on a side that wouldn’t have got a second gig as an Arsenal tribute act, they were that bad.

Goals from Ilkay Gundogan, Ferran Torres and Gabriel Jesus had this wrapped up before the half time cuppas had even brewed.

Second half strikes from Rodri and a second from Torres were merely the After Eight mints to the banquet that had gone before.

City will have harder training sessions. In fact they’ll have harder warm-downs. No wonder manager Arteta looked shell-shocked as he slumped in his seat in the dug-out.

If was a shock he didn’t hide underneath until the team bus had gone, and then banged on Pep’s door asking for his old job back as assistant boss.

Seven minutes was all it took for City to burst through a door that never came close to shutting again.

Jack Grealish floated one to Gabriel Jesus, who swapped with Bernardo Silva before floating a ball to the far post.

Centre back Calum Chambers rose to head clear, but got underneath it and there was pint-sized Gundogan, waiting to plant a header Bernd Leno could only push into roof of the net.

Bernardo, whose City fate looked sealed at the height of all that Kane talk, sent a ball into the box that was promising without being potent.

That is until Cedric Soares’ ballet-dancing air kick, and Ferran Torres thanked him for the gift by stabbing home from bang in front.


City needed a VAR check to confirm Aymeric Laporte hadn’t fouled Chambers before it reached Torres. It took less than a minute.

The Arsenal defender may have been prone, hands covering his face, but there is every chance that was more to hide his embarrassment than any physical pain.

If it was mission improbable then, ten minutes before the break it became mission impossible when Xhaka launched into two-footed challenge on Joao Cancelo.

Referee Martin Atkinson waved a red and although Arteta shook his head, gesturing his player had got the ball, he got a heck of a lot more of the player.

As dismissals go, it was pretty much a no-brainer. Which is a fair description of Xhaka’s career at times, too.

But back to the football, and Grealish was next to claim an assist. Although to be fair, he’d have got more opposition from a set of training cones.

He weaved down the left in his own time, no danger of a tackle, before rolling it across for Jesus to finish.  

All of which effectively turned the rest of it into an exhibition game. Not that the Gunners contributed much to it, bar the odd foul and comedy moment here and there.

A fourth goal arrived from a laser-guided Rodri, side-footing into the bottom corner from 25 yards, before a late Torres header put the cherry on the top.

All of which left just one debating point as the Gunners headed south… if they do go back in for those statues of Kompany and David Silva, what shirt numbers will they wear.

Because the one certainty is they sure as hell won’t struggle to get a game.

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