Transgender pregnant man refuses to share baby's sex

Transgender pregnant man refuses to share baby's sex

Transgender father refuses to share baby’s sex so they ‘can discover their own gender’ – and slams ‘weirdos’ who ask if his children are boys or girls

  • Sav Butler, 20, from Maine, struggled with gender growing up before coming out
  • Stay-at-home father opted to use a genderless parenting style for two children
  • He hopes it will help his three-year-old and newborn find ‘true selves’ quicker
  • Refuses to tell anyone the sex of his babies and slams ‘weirdos’ who ask him 

A transgender father who refuses to reveal the sex of his baby so it can discover its own gender has slammed ‘weirdos’ who ask whether it’s a boy or girl – demanding why they ‘want to know what’s in its diaper’.

Sav Butler, from Maine, struggled with his gender identity growing up before coming out as trans at 18 years old.

The 20-year-old stay at home parent refuses to tell anyone the biological sex of his children to avoid imposing an ‘assumed’ gender that may not align with who they are as they grow up.

Sav’s older child Wesley, three, has already expressed that he is male and Sav expects currently ‘genderless’ newborn baby Eden to tell him their gender by the time they are three as well. 

He said: ‘I don’t want my kids to look back on their childhood and feel pain, which a lot of trans people have experienced and can understand.’ 

Sav Butler, 20, from Maine, who refuses to reveal the sex of his baby so it can discover its own gender has slammed ‘weirdos’ who ask whether it’s a boy or girl – demanding why they ‘want to know what’s in its diaper’

He said: ‘My journey as a trans person definitely has something to do with how I parent. 

‘I came out after I moved out at 18 years old but I knew I was trans by the time I was five years old because I didn’t feel comfortable in my own body.

‘I shortened my name and started hormone therapy and I’m about to get back on hormones now that I’ve given birth.’ 

The father-of-two has hit back against negative reactions from people interested in the baby’s gender after being labelled a ‘freak’ online for his parenting choices.

Sav said: ‘I’ve raised both of my children genderless until they can tell me what their gender is themselves.

‘I’m not raising them non-binary because that is a gender identity as well and the whole point is to not give them a gender identity.

The father-of-two has hit back against negative reactions from people interested in the baby’s gender after being labelled a ‘freak’ online for his parenting choices

‘I don’t want them to be referred to as something they’re not and have their memories end up being bad, I just want them to know that they are accepted.

‘It will also make them understand more about different identities and help them to find themselves quicker.

‘I haven’t told anyone the assumed gender of either of my children because it’s none of their business – it’s only the business of me as the person who changes their diaper and their doctor.

‘By three years old they’re talking and can understand and tell you their gender identity so they can tell people themselves eventually.’

The 20-year-old stay at home parent refuses to tell anyone the biological sex of his children to avoid imposing an ‘assumed’ gender that may not align with who they are as they grow up (pictured, Wesley, three, who identifies as a male) 

The trans father is passionate about raising awareness of the difference between gender and sex, insisting that although babies have a biological sex they don’t yet have a gender identity.

Sav has faced negative reactions from people who don’t understand his decision to raise baby Eden genderless, with some arguing that it’s being ‘forced’ onto the baby and will confuse them as they grow up.

But he slams this argument as ‘hypocritical’, pointing out that most parents force an ‘assumed’ gender on their children at birth based on their biological sex, which may not align with how they feel as they grow up.

Sav said: ‘Gender doesn’t equal sex and I get annoyed because people ask what the gender of the baby is but babies don’t have gender identities yet – all they know is poop, pee, eat and sleep.

Sav expects currently ‘genderless’ newborn baby Eden to tell him their gender by the time they are three like their elder brother Wesley 

‘It becomes about what’s in their diaper and just isn’t the right terminology.

‘When I refuse to answer what the ‘gender’ of the baby is, people are usually confused or angry.

‘They say it’s not my decision to make for the baby which is obviously hypocritical because babies have their genders assumed at birth every day.’

In practice, genderless parenting means until they are old enough to express themselves and tell Sav their gender he buys them both typically masculine and feminine clothes and toys.

Even after both Wesley and Eden tell Sav their gender he allows them to have both masculine and feminine clothes and toys, refusing to conform to the gender binary

Sav also uses both he and she pronouns for both children so as not to confine them to either gender identity.

Even after both Wesley and Eden tell Sav their gender he allows them to have both masculine and feminine clothes and toys, refusing to conform to the gender binary.

Sav said: ‘Until they can tell me their gender identity I put both of my kids in both masculine and feminine clothes.

‘That way they can look back at baby photos that align with their gender and not be uncomfortable.

‘I also use both masculine and feminine pronouns so they can see what each feels like and what they like being called.

Sav now encourages his children to call him ‘mapa’ – a gender neutral parenting identity and refers to feeding baby Eden as ‘chestfeeding’ to suit his gender identity

‘Even once they’ve expressed their gender identity I allow them to wear and play with whatever clothes and toys they want – Wesley likes both masculine and feminine stuff and that’s okay.

‘I would be totally okay whether they are cisgender or trans, male, female or non-binary. I don’t care and I love them no matter what.’

Sav’s own journey as a trans person who struggled to come out played a role in his decision to adopt these genderless parenting techniques.

He now encourages his children to call him ‘mapa’ – a gender neutral parenting identity and refers to feeding baby Eden as ‘chestfeeding’ to suit his gender identity. 

Sav now hopes to encourage other parents to consider genderless parenting, arguing that children have a better understanding of themselves and gender identity than some adults.

Sav said: ‘Kids understand themselves more than we give them credit for. They have a grasp on gender identity by the time they are three and can express themselves and talk.

‘My three-year-old probably knows more about gender than most grown adults.

‘I use books to help explain it to them. It doesn’t have to work for everybody but it works for our family.’

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