PIERS MORGAN'S G7 memo to Joe: Cut the woke cr*p

PIERS MORGAN'S G7 memo to Joe: Cut the woke cr*p

Piers Morgan’s G7 memo to Joe: Cut the woke cr*p, bedazzle Boris in Latin, stay out of Ireland, stick it to China on covid and grovel to the Queen for calling Meghan courageous (but steer clear of vegan Cornish pasties at all costs)

President Joe Biden flies into the UK today for his first trip abroad since winning the White House, and the most significant test so far of his fledgling presidency.

Biden’s made a big deal of not being Donald Trump and wanting the U.S. to pursue a more global, unifying, and diplomatic doctrine than his bombastic predecessor’s nationalistic ‘America First!’ mantra.

His attendance at the G7 summit, to discuss the state of the world with other leaders from Britain, Germany, France, Italy, Japan and Canada, is being billed as his superpower nation’s ‘comeback into the international community’ after the tempestuous Trump era.

And all eyes will be on Biden to see what exactly he wants to do about some of the biggest issues facing the planet including, of course, the coronavirus pandemic.

We’ll also be watching closely to see how he navigates his meetings with the most polarizing and popular people in Britain.

The first thing Biden’s expected to do on arrival in Cornwall is see Prime Minister Boris Johnson, the man who attracts equal measures of loathing and adoration after taking the UK out of the European Union, and the last thing he’ll do before departing on Sunday is drop in at Windsor Castle to see the Queen who is arguably the most respected leader of any kind in the world.

All eyes will be on Biden to see what exactly he wants to do about some of the biggest issues facing the planet including, of course, the coronavirus pandemic. Pictured: President Joe Biden and First Lady Jill Biden board Air Force One as they depart for the G-7 summit

The first thing Biden’s expected to do on arrival in Cornwall is see Prime Minister Boris Johnson. Carbis Bay Hotel in Cornwall is one of the smallest locations ever to host the G7

Biden’s attendance at the G7 summit, to discuss the state of the world with other leaders from Britain, Germany, France, Italy, Japan and Canada, is being billed as his superpower nation’s ‘comeback into the international community’ after the tempestuous Trump era. Some of the G-7 delegates will stay at the hilltop Tregenna Castle Resort (pictured).

As a Brit who has spent a lot of time in both the United States and Cornwall, and someone who has met both Boris and Her Majesty on many occasions, I feel perfectly qualified to proffer some advice to the leader of the free world.

This, then, is my 10-point memo to the President which he would do well to ruminate over on Air Force One before he lands this evening.

1) First, some Cornish house rules: Don’t tell the locals you’re a big fan of Gordon Ramsay (who owns a house there but seems to infuriate the natives), vegan pasties or their ‘cute small roads’, don’t say ‘Alright me lover’ to an attractive female resident in a thick pseudo-Cornish accent, and if you don’t want to REALLY want p*ss them off, then for God’s sake resist the temptation to muse that you’re so charmed by the place you’re thinking of buying a second home down there ‘if I can find somewhere for all the Secret Service to stay.’

2) Please don’t spew any woke nonsense while you’re here. We’ve inherited enough ultra-liberal cancel culture bullsh*t from America already, thanks very much, and we definitely don’t want to hear any presidential lectures about this summit being a great step forward for ‘Peoplekind’, or how awful Winston Churchill was, or why it’s great news that the imminent Olympic Games in Japan will see the first transgender athlete (New Zealand weightlifter Laurel Hubbard, who used to compete as a man but will now compete, very unfairly, as a woman) and if Usain Bolt and Floyd Mayweather want to suddenly identify as women too then of course they should be allowed to race and fight against women born to female biological bodies.

Boris Johnson will try to bamboozle you with endless blathering bluster and buffoonery, interspersed with fancy Latin words and phrases to throw you off your linguistic game and make himself sound more intelligent. So, my firm advice is to get in first by whispering in his ear something to really disconcert him

3) Boris Johnson will try to bamboozle you with endless blathering bluster and buffoonery, interspersed with fancy Latin words and phrases to throw you off your linguistic game and make himself sound more intelligent. So, my firm advice is to get in first by whispering in his ear something to really disconcert him like ‘Dulce periculum’ (‘Danger is sweet’) or ‘Estne volume in toga, Boris, an solum tibi libet me videre?’ (‘Is that a scroll in your toga, Boris, or are you just happy to see me?’). And just to really annoy him, start your joint press conference by saying how important the ‘peculiari necessitudine’ (‘special relationship’) is to you. Boris won’t know what you mean and will think you’re calling him peculiar.

4) You’ve just blown $6 trillion on a gigantic domestic spending spree so recklessly outlandish that it made Imelda Marcos look frugal. But the very last thing the G7 needs is for you to bully it into to committing to more insane expenditure like this at a time when the No1 global priority should be jabs and jobs. Get the world covid-vaccinated and get it back to work. Economic recovery will surely follow from that simple maxim, but not if you bet the G7 bank on the kind of green woke stuff you’ve been obsessing about in the U.S.

President Joe Biden flies into the UK today for his first trip abroad since winning the White House, and the most significant test so far of his fledgling presidency

5) Put the tech giants back in their box. Their power is as disturbing as their inability to pay taxes. Firms like Facebook, Google and Twitter have shown a ferocious determination to fleece us of our cash but an equally ferocious determination not to be properly accountable for what appears on their platforms. They need regulation of the kind that governs all other forms of publishing or broadcast media, and if they refuse to agree, then don’t be afraid to break them up.

6) Stay out of Ireland. I know, I know, you’ve got Irish roots… God knows you bang on about it enough. But when you were asked by a reporter ‘Mr Biden, a quick word for the BBC?’ and you responded, ‘I’m Irish!’ it’s very clear where your priorities lie, and the very last thing Britain needs right now as it emerges from the bitter wreckage of the Brexit battle is an American president poking his meddling Remainer nose into the situation in the way that you’ve already shown a disconcerting keenness to do. And I say this as a man with Irish roots myself, who voted Remain. Your job is to calm the temperature of EU-Britain relations, not inflame them further by barking out orders that anger the victorious Brexiteers who will rightly say that the whole point of leaving the EU was to stop foreign powers bossing us around and telling us what to do.

7) We need you to drive the G7 into a proper definitive strategy to wrestle the truth out of China about where and how Covid-19 started, and if that means imposing draconian sanctions on them until you get the free unfettered investigative access you need to places like the Wuhan Institute of Virology, then do it. The world’s been brought to its knees by this pandemic, and China’s lies and obfuscation about it indicate a deep level of state-controlled cover-up that must be demolished so the truth can finally emerge. And if it transpires that covid DID leak from that lab, then the G7 must agree to hammer China where it will really hurt them – right in the renminbis.

8) You’ve rightly made it clear that climate change is a massive priority for you, and one of your first actions as President was returning the U.S. to the Paris Agreement. But environmental bogeyman Trump was correct about one thing: you can have all the very costly virtue-signalling agreements you like but if mass polluters like China and India don’t step up on emissions then it’s all pretty pointless. What are you going to do to make them pay and cut their way to achieving their targets?

To make up to the Queen for your Markle-slathering treachery, can you find room in the hold of Air Force One for Matthew Katzman, the incredibly annoying woke-ravaged American nerd at Oxford University who tabled the motion to remove the Queen’s portrait from the common room of Magdalen College

9) When you meet the Queen, best not remind her that you publicly saluted Meghan Markle for her ‘courage’ after she trashed the Royal Family as a bunch of uncaring racists in her Oprah whine-athon. Or maybe try a bit of old-fashioned grovelling if she brings it up? For all his faults, Donald Trump always vociferously backed the Queen, and saw right through Princess Pinocchio, and your shocking disloyalty won’t have gone unnoticed in Palace quarters. I’d also steer clear of saying ‘You must be thrilled Harry stole your late husband’s affectionate nickname for you for his new baby, just after he criticized your parenting skills in a podcast?’ Unless you want to be led straight to the Tower of London.

10) To make up to the Queen for your Markle-slathering treachery, can you find room in the hold of Air Force One for Matthew Katzman, the incredibly annoying woke-ravaged American nerd at Oxford University who tabled the motion to remove the Queen’s portrait from the common room of Magdalen College because he thinks it’s offensive? And then preferably drop the whiny insolent brat somewhere over the Atlantic?

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